Operation Skinny Jeans: Not Perfect, Not “Good Enough”- Guest post by Carolyn

Monday, November 10, 2014

Not Perfect, Not “Good Enough”- Guest post by Carolyn

I am so excited to take this week to feature some of my favorite blog friends! Check out my friend Carolyn!

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Last week Jess wrote about the pressure of perfection in the blogging world. There are plenty of “perfect” (but not really) bloggers, but I’ve never tried to be one of them because a) that would be an exhausting charade and b) I love tacos too much.

It was two years ago this week that I decided that I needed to make a change. I was 23 years old, 5'6", 228lbs, and stuffing myself into a pair of size 16 jeans (the only pair I had that “fit”). Also, someone took this picture of me, which was a harsh reality check that I didn't carry my weight as well as I hoped. Don’t get me wrong, I was still confident and a happy person and I didn’t hate myself and felt “good enough.” I almost think I had some type of reverse body dysmorphia where I truly didn’t realize how much weight I’d gained. I wasn't "just a little curvy" like I had always thought, I was more than 70lbs overweight:

Highest weight, November 2012, about 228lbs here.

So I bit the bullet, set aside my thrice-weekly Jimmy Johns habit (*crying emoji*) and jumped on the Weight Watchers train full steam ahead.

I reached my lowest adult weight of 162lbs in April 2014. I was running 25-30 miles a week. I had gone from a 2:25 half marathon to a PR of 2:09. I was still technically overweight, but I was pretty damn close to my goal of 150lbs. I wasn’t perfect, but I had been challenging myself with my workouts and constantly in pursuit of my goals. And then I got complacent. 

Lowest weight in April 2014, about 162lbs here (and obviously still loving stripes).
I stopped running due to an achilles injury, but I stopped being disciplined food-wise because I thought: "good enough!" And, sure, I was a lot healthier than when I was heavier. But I wasn’t at my goal, and certainly wasn’t running enough to justify more and more frequent indulgences.

Fast forward to last week. I spent the early fall half-assedly trying to lose weight gained from a summer of little running and lots of tacos (god I love tacos). I had a bridesmaid dress to fit in, and I lost juuuuust enough weight that it fit. Once the wedding was over, old Carolyn was back with a vengence, because "good enough" is a dangerous mindset for people who struggle with portion control and choosing salad when you really want a burger. Last week I weighed 179.8lbs. I had gained almost 18lbs in 7 months.

I’m not perfect, and neither is this process. I’m obviously fine with not being perfect, but I’m not fine with “good enough.” “Good enough” eating won’t get me to my goal weight, and “good enough” workouts won’t help me chase my goal of running a <2 hour marathon. So far, it’s done the opposite.

Highest weight, October 2012. 175lbs, October 2014.

Last week, I re-joined Weight Watchers and quickly remembered what the challenge is like. You know what is way better than “good enough?” The empowerment of saying no to candy all over the office. The accomplishment of tackling a hard gym workout when you’re still sore from yesterday. The satisfaction of getting off the couch for a run when you’d rather watch 19 episode of Law & Order SVU (this was me on Saturday).

I’m never going to be perfect, but I’m embracing the challenge that comes with chasing my goals. I’m done settling for “good enough.”

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I’m hosting an informal “support group” for other people who want to get on track before the end of the year. Check out my blog if you want to join and get #fit4fifteen!

-Carolyn

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