Do any of you remember these books? The books where you would read up to a certain point and then you would get to choose what to do next. You would turn to a certain page and learn your fate. These books were always so popular in my elementary school library. They looked like this back in the day:
I had to choose this one because I liked the title. Apparently, I have the sense of humor of a 12 year old boy, so anything with "booti" in it has to be chosen. Come on, you chuckled. Right?! Right?!
Anyway, I feel like my life lately has been one of these books. My current story would go something like...
Courtney was having a wonderful day. She worked out the night before and could feel her sore abs. She was wobbling around work like an old lady, but she knew she had earned it through her hard work and re-commitment to a healthy lifestyle. Suddenly, all hell breaks loose in teenage drama land, and Courtney's school counseling skills are put to the test. She is so tired. What does Courtney do to make herself feel better??
Courtney relieves her stress by doing some extra exercise -- turn to page 36.
Courtney grabs a snack to re-energize herself -- turn to page 42
If you chose page 36:
You would see this picture:
because lately, my effort towards exercise has been somewhat laughable.
If you chose page 42:
Courtney is so stressed and tired from her day that she comes home only to raid the pile of Snicker bars that her children have picked out of their Halloween candy and deemed as "yucky." Are these children really hers? Would anyone with her blood running through their veins REALLY deny Snickers?!?! Preposterous!
Courtney eats multiple candy bars while hating herself at the same time -- negating all calories burned the night before. She lays on the couch and falls asleep in front of the television. Chocolate drool runs slowly down the sides of her mouth...
So, what is the point of this sad story telling?
Well, it is that it has taken me a really long time to really understand, but I have realized that I can choose the ending to my story. Even though I have struggled lately, and there have seemed to be laughing orangutans at every turn, that does not mean that I cannot turn to page 35, flip the stinkin' primates off and get on with my life. One Snickers-induced coma does not define my adventure.
The truth is that even though I have not been as motivated as I would like to be lately, I am waaaay better off than I was 10 years ago...or even just one year ago. I think it is because I have gained confidence where I never had it before. I am a different woman. So, really, my exciting ending, isn't really an ending at all. It is a beginning.
So, instead of focusing on what I haven't done lately, I am not going to focus on what I HAVE done:
- I started going to yoga classes on Sunday afternoons. This is a big deal for me because it required me to step waaaay out of my comfort zone. I was so worried about my form and not being able to do the moves, but the instructor actually told me that I did very well.
- I have begun working with a trainer every week to help me refocus on my goals. She kicks my butt and I can barely walk when it is over, but it is awesome! I feel really comfortable with her and I feel a love for fitness starting to creep back in!
- I left the house feeling confident in actual active wear rather than baggy sweatpants and a ratty t-shirt! I know this does not seem like a big deal, but I can tell when I am at a low point, when I try to hide my fat behind unflattering, baggy clothes. I wore these clothes with a smile and felt good in them!
- I have come to understand that lack of perfection does not equal failure.
So, I guess I will wind up this rather long blog entry saying that although I may not choose the right path during this adventure, I can still flip back and rewrite my story. You will not always visit my blog hearing tales of perfection, but you will always see honesty and the story of a real woman working towards her goals who struggles every single day. Be proud of who you are. Be proud of your story.