Operation Skinny Jeans: I Feel Pretty

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

I Feel Pretty

I realized something funny the other day.

People RARELY smile in their Before pictures. If you scroll through the fitness parts of instagram, the vast majority of before pictures feature people looking sad, with bad posture, and no make up on. I clearly didn't get that memo the day I took my before pics.

I realize that is huge, but it helps illustrate my point.

I put a lot of effort into my appearance when I took these pictures. I took a shower, did my hair AND put on make up. I am smiling! AND I am 99% sure I am sucking it in. I remember telling myself not to, but as the timer was ticking down I couldn't help it.

I may not look as happy as I do now in my before picture, but I put in the effort. This isn't to say that I was happy by any means before I started losing weight. That girl was really troubled and lost, but she knew how to put on a good face. The people around me had very little idea that I was as depressed as I was. To them, I was still fun, boisterous, shockingly inappropriate but funny Jess. But on the inside I was deeply insecure unhappy inappropriately funny so I could hide behind it Jess. I think its because I care SO MUCH what other people think about me. I try my absolute best to look beautiful in every picture I take. And back then, I would't be caught DEAD without make up on. Make up was the thing that made me FEEL pretty. I had a LOT of ugly days, those days that no matter what you feel ugly, so I would cover that up with make up and feel marginally better.

Things are a little different now. I took this picture yesterday.

I am still smiling, because I love to smile, but I am not wearing an ounce of make up. And I took this picture about 10 minutes after a workout. And the girl in this picture is proud of herself, fun, confident Jess. I am not wearing make up (which isn't anything new, all but maybe 2 pictures I have ever posted I am not wearing make up) but I feel beautiful. And that shit comes from inside ;)

I don't know what my point is with this post. I guess that I used to care so much what other people thought of me that I was pretty good at not being myself. I still care what other people think about me, but not nearly like I used to.

Gosh guys! Why does every post have to have a point! :P

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