Operation Skinny Jeans: About Me

Thursday, October 9, 2014

About Me

So the other day I was poking around my blog and I happened upon my "about me" section. Like all of those buttons up there ^^ this one is horribly out of date. As are the others, but I will work on that in the future. But reading my "about me" I realized something funny. It doesn't really tell you about me at all.

I wrote my "about me" almost 2 years ago, when I started this blog. Before I decided to open up about my eating disorder, before I had any self belief, and before I knew what the heck I was doing. Well I still don't know what the heck I am doing, but you fine people still show up every day for some reason and for that I am eternally grateful, seriously.

But reading through it, I realized how inauthentic it was. It is what I would have said about me 2 years ago on prozac. It's the overly candy coated peppy bullshit answer you would give your inlaws the first time you meet them. It's not me. So I have been trying to think about what I want to replace it with. What should you know about me? What do you know about me? What do I want you to know about me? All of those are good questions.

One thing I do know, is that you all know nothing about me. I mean thats not true, you know ABOUT me, but I am not really sure you KNOW me, does that make sense? I am 100% myself and authentic in my writing, but because this blog is JUST about my weight loss journey, you don't know the other 90% of me. I am not a fitness robot. My life is not consumed by fitness. So in that sense, you only know a small portion of me. And I want to change that.

Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Jess :D lol you probably already knew that. I am 27 years old, married, and I have one dog and no kids. I work as a quizmaster, hosting 2 (sometimes more) pub quizzes a week, as well as doing odd jobs for the incredible company I work for. I LOVE my job. I really started to find myself when I found something that I loved to do. Before that I was depressed, uncomfortable in my skin, extremely introverted and a shell of the person I am today. I am a computer nerd, always have been. Steve Jobs was more than just a famous innovator to me, he was my idol for a very very long time. I still look up to him, and consider him one of the greatest driving forces in my life. His story touches my heart and I know that we are the same kind of person. I am also a bit of a nerd in general. I have a degree in Earth Science and I could look at rocks all day long. When traveling I seek out interesting geological sites or stores that sell fossils. Fossils are so my jam. I fucking love dinosaurs. Like its deep. I am seriously considering a dinosaur tattoo. The stegosaurus is my favorite, but I identify with the T-Rex too. I have struggled with ADHD my entire life.

I love to listen to music. I grew up listening to music as a source of actual entertainment. Instead of watching tv, we would shut off all the lights and just LISTEN. I feel music in my soul and I can't help dancing, whether I am in the kitchen, the car, hosting quiz or in public. I always wanted to be a dancer, but never had the confidence or body to do it. I know how to tap dance and ballroom dance. I have little training in modern dance. I am not a terrible singer... I wouldn't say I am great, but I can Karaoke with confidence, and Florence and the Machine is my go to. I am so freaking goofy. I make terrible jokes and bad puns and I love to laugh. And I love to make other people laugh. I think things sometimes I can't keep inside so I share them and people think I am nuts. But my mind is constantly working and I can't control what happens in there. I don't mind being alone.

I can't walk in high heels to save my life. Literally if my life was dependent on my ability to walk in high heels, I would die. I care way too much about other people. And I feel emotions very strongly. I cry at movies and I don't even try to hide it. My heart is like a Tardis, it's bigger on the inside. I love talking to people and I genuinely care about each and every one of you. Cloudy weather is my favorite. It's cool and the light is a perfect gray color. I could live in the pacific northwest if I didn't love everything about Colorado. Ok fine, I mostly love the rocks. So so many rocks. I get car sick, but I have a fear of throwing up, which is why I was never a good bulimic. I would binge but couldn't make myself puke so I would starve myself for days before my next binge. I used to bake a lot. I love baking, but it was my ritual. I would bake two dozen cupcakes, frost them like I had a party to go to, and I would sit down and eat them one by one by myself. I was incredibly sad. I don't feel sadness like that anymore.

I am not sure this told you any more about me than you already know, and it is a terrible "about me" to put on that page, so I am not sure this accomplished what I was hoping. I have learned that, especially on the internet, we know so little about people we think we know so much about. We see instagram pictures and status updates and blog posts and we think we know someone, but we really are only seeing the side of them they want us to see. I can be 100% authentic about the 10% of my life I share with you, and you still know nothing about me. I am not even sure how to sum myself up in a few sentences. You still don't know about my character, my drive, my ambition. You don't know about my fears, and my doubts and my struggles. You don't know about my passion or my bliss or my love. You don't know anything about me, but I have just shared lots of stuff "about me".

Isn't that funny?

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