I know how you feel. Sad. Uncomfortable. Lost. Unhappy. I have been there. You are sitting here, full of anger, frustration, self hate and whatever it was you just binged on. You want to stop, but you don't know how. You decided that you will never binge again and maybe you won't, but I want you to know that if you do, it's okay.
And I want to tell you that you are beautiful. I know thats hard to hear, because you don't believe it. But it's true. You are kind and giving and loved. Even tho you feel lonely and trapped by food. Your relationship with food does not define you. And you CAN change it, but not like you hope you can. It won't be a fast or easy process, but controlling your thoughts and feelings about food will FREE you from it.
The first step is to forgive yourself. I know you can't possibly imagine how to do that right now, in your well of self hate, but you have to. You don't have to keep punishing yourself for your mistakes. Forgive them and you can move on. It won't be easy. Self loathing is kind of your thing. But it doesn't have to be. You have so much going for you, if you could just SEE that. You are bright and have so much to give to the world, but your bingeing and self deprecating thoughts have taken over and you don't have the confidence to be you, unapologetically. You can get there. You WILL get there.
Here's the thing. You were made for more. Your life has purpose way beyond what you can even imagine. You were made to shine, and you will BECAUSE of what you have been through, not in spite of it. Your struggles, your problems, your mess will become your message. Use it. Grab that rope. Forgive yourself and drag your ass OUT of that well. You don't belong in there.
You are strong enough to change your circumstance. You don't believe that, but you are. Take a chance. Test that. Try to be better, DO better. See what happens. You will realize that there is a whole wide world out there waiting for you. Full of opportunity and people that NEED to hear your story. Share it. LIVE it. Unapologetically.
You've got this.