Operation Skinny Jeans: Self Lovin

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Self Lovin

So back when I was old Jess, I used to have ugly days. They were days when I woke up and just, no matter what I did, felt ugly. I would look in the mirror and say "god you are ugly" and I would FEEL ugly. These were pretty frequent in those days but as I have started to take care of myself, they diminished.

I think one of the biggest changes between my "before" pics and now is the look in my eyes. You can see in those old pictures that I FELT ugly.

Here is a montage of examples.

I didn't feel beautiful in any of these pictures. 

But as I started to work out, eat better and lose weight, I started to FEEL beautiful. Sure I still had ugly days (who doesn't) but they were few and far between. 

My wisdom teeth (I know I promised to stop bitching about them) derailed me for about 2 weeks. I wasn't allowed to work out, and then I was in SO MUCH pain that I didn't feel like doing anything except give myself an ulcer by popping SO MANY pills a day to manage the pain. Apparently 3 dry sockets will do that to a person. 

And in the last two weeks, I have started to have more ugly days. 

I noticed it yesterday, when I realized I hadn't FELT beautiful in a while, and that's when it hit me. Working out and eating right (not the milkshake diet I was on) makes me FEEL good about myself. 

So I hear this a lot. People think that I must HATE my body so much to want to change it. That there can't be self love in the same breath as self improvement. I feel so sorry for people who think this way. I don't work my body and feed it healthy things because I hate it. And in fact, I wasn't able to truly start caring for it until I started LOVING it. When I still resented it, I punished it, which didn't get me anywhere! 

I hate that in the last two weeks I have let myself feel ugly again. I am partially blaming my broken hair dryer I have been too lazy to replace lol. I can't do my hair in the morning so maybe that's part of it too ;)

Starting today, I am going to FEEL beautiful. I am going to work toward loving my body and feeding it healthfully and I am going to move it in a way that makes it stronger and makes ME stronger. 

Self love is a process. It doesn't happen over night, you have to court yourself. I look at myself naked a lot (don't judge) and I point out the parts I love. I don't LET myself think of the parts I want to improve. It is a process. Take it one day at a time. 

I just took this selfie. Feeling beautiful today. 

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  1. The naked thing absolutely works! That was my trick to liking myself too. You are amazing, and wonderful, and inspirational. I hope you fall back in love with yourself and see all of the beauty you possess as quickly as possible.

  2. I absolutely LOVE this post! It is so so easy for us to pick out the parts of our selves that we don't love. But there are many reasons to love our bodies. All of it's great abilities!
    I can completely understand and relate to feeling ugly after days of not working out and eating healthy. It can really take a toll on our well-being. Good for you for making the decision to FEEL BEAUTIFUL!!

  3. Beauty!! Thanks for sharing, I had never really thought about it that way :)

  4. You are beautiful and you are right, there is a different look in your eyes. I feel the same. When I am working out, eating clean and focusing on me, I feel amazing, I feel like I look great! When I am not, I am quick to hate what I see each morning.

    My wisdom teeth removal was a huge ordeal as well. I was out for weeks in pain and couldn't eat anything but horrible soup. Yuck. I hope they feel better soon.

  5. You look great in today's selfie! It really shows all that you have accomplished!
    Keep up the good work!

  6. you ARE beautiful! That is all :)

  7. You are so lovely!!! :) I am the exact same way. Glad you're feeling better!

  8. you look great ! Your skin is fantastic !
    My sis had ONE dry socket and said it was hell ..i cannot even imagine 3!! OMG !

  9. You look great! Your skin is fantastic !
    My sis had ONE dry socketsaid it wa shell ..cannot even imagine three !!

  10. You look wonderful and you really are right about the eyes, you can just see how much brighter you are now as you feel better about yourself! That's amazing! I was looking at my graduation pics over the weekend which was a really unfortunate time for me to be at my heaviest, but it was so hard to look at them because even though I'm smiling you can tell I'm like physically in pain and that I just hate myself. I never want to see that again!

  11. This post? I love!! and such an important message about your attitude of yourself and appearance to be under your control in a positive way.

    I had 4 unexplained dry sockets. Didn't eat real food almost six weeks. Took two years before I even tried to chew gum.
    I do not have the best luck when it comes to 'routine surgeries.'

  12. I definitely needed to read this! :)


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