Operation Skinny Jeans: Roller Coaster

Wednesday, May 7, 2014

Roller Coaster

Being an adult is hard.

I feel like my last 5 years of adulthood (since I turned 21) have been spent kinda going through the motions. Living just above my means, because that's what you do, not saving, not thinking about the future, living paycheck to paycheck, etc.

I even feel like my career thus far has been going through the motions. I went to college because I wanted to prove a point, got a pointless bachelors degree because I needed something to show for the 4 years I spent there. Started working jobs I was qualified for, never one I loved, searching for something that would suck so little I could see myself there for longer than a year. I was overweight, depressed, unfulfilled, and unhappy.

The only shred of light I had was my blog, which was not this blog. It was the place I could pretend to be happy. The life I had created online was nothing like my actual life. It was sunshiny and optimistic, not stressful and dark. Gah this is getting depressing lol. NOT THE POINT.

Point is, life kinda sucked.

Since I made the decision to change my life, it has sucked less. And in that process I have discovered an insane passion of mine.

You.

Something I have wanted to do from the start is write this blog honestly. I wanted to share my struggles. I wanted to be real about my eating disorder, something I hid from my loved ones for so so long. I wanted you to know you are not alone.

And in return, you have changed me. You send me messages and emails and we talk and your encouragement and words and struggles and lifes are changing mine. I am no longer going through the motions, I am living my life every day as an opportunity to talk to you. To reach you. To learn from you. To teach you.

And I’m crying.

This post has taken a weird turn lol

But yeah, like I said last week,  I have a dream. I think we all do. And my dream isn’t just workout shirts for all, it’s body positivity for all. It is support and encouragement and health and fitness FOR ALL. It is a hand to hold a shoulder to cry on FOR ALL. It is living my life every single day with purpose. Purpose to help other people realize their purpose. To make sure you know that SOMEONE cares. SOMEONE wants to listen. That you are not alone.

Also in there I want a house. Which is kinda what this post was supposed to be about, hence it taking a weird turn lol.

Yeah basically I was gonna tell you that I am finally working toward my dream (the homeownership one) but all that other stuff just kinda came out…

Happy Wednesday…. :D

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7 comments :

  1. I love this post. I don't comment often enough, but I read every post. And you are an inspiration. Thank you for ALWAYS being so open and honest, and for just being the amazing person that you are!

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  2. I love your blog and am so glad that you decided to share your life! I can only hope that my blog does the same! :)

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  3. Very heartfelt post. Wish you all the best!

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  4. I love this post. You are so great!!! And have fun househunting--we are in the process of buying one right now :) It is so exciting!

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  5. I love you Jess! Your honesty and ability to put into words exactly what you feel is incredible. I feel like you could speak for me most of the time!

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  6. Love it! I felt like I was reading my story! Keep your head held high girly, you're on the right track :)

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  7. Going through my own QLC right now so I know how you feel. Just turned 26 and hit that "holy cow! Who am I?" brick wall.

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