But the one thing I have learned is that this transformation is not just physical. I feel like I have changed more as a person in the last 14 months than I have physically.
I was an extrovert stuck in an introvert's body. I wanted to be outgoing and friendly because that was my nature, but I was so uncomfortable in my own skin that I wasn't able to portray that. I would sit at home, behind the keys of my computer, pinning all the things from the "health and fitness" side of pinterest, lonely, depressed and so uncomfortable.
Real talk- being overweight is uncomfortable as shit. I don't remember what it feels like to be a normal size (like in the 100's) but the difference between how I feel now and how I felt then is STAGGERING.
I couldn't sit up straight in chairs. I was always leaning back because my stomach was so large it was uncomfortable to sit up. Sitting in chairs in general was uncomfortable! If the chair had arms, I felt like I was squeezing into it, and it hurt. I remember NOT sitting in the outdoor chairs at Chipotle because they caused me physical pain. Even movie theatre seats were a tight fit.
I couldn't cross my arms over my chest. I have pretty short arms as it is, but they wouldn't cross. I would have to rest my hands on my belly.
I didn't have a lap. I am not even exaggerating when I say that my stomach came out so far while sitting down that I had only a few inches of "knee" It was hard to use a laptop in my lap without a lap.
I couldn't cross my legs. Not even ankle to knee. And I have short legs so most of the time they don't touch the ground, and there was nothing I could do but sit there in pain.
I couldn't lay flat on my back without my neck and boobs smothering me. Like I literally couldn't breathe. I have a special pillow (that I still love) that I had to use to sleep so I don't snore/ suffocate myself in my sleep with my body fat.
Ok this post has taken a turn. I am gonna go with it. Things like this are things you don't know unless you experience them yourself. And I will be honest, I am not done yet. I still have 90 lbs to lose. I am sure in another 60 lbs I will be saying "Oh man! 60 lbs ago I couldn't do ___. As I slowly peel the layers of fat off my body, I realize all the wonderful things it is capable of! I can't even imagine the amazing things it can do when I keep getting smaller.
That is why I am working so hard. I want to push myself. Do what I never thought or knew was possible. Its not about vanity, its about strength. I want to be the best me I can. Period.