Operation Skinny Jeans: #transformationtuesday

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

#transformationtuesday

I love instagram. I love looking through everyone's pictures, and seeing their progress or workouts or transformations. Especially on Tuesdays. Inspiration station!

But the one thing I have learned is that this transformation is not just physical. I feel like I have changed more as a person in the last 14 months than I have physically.

I was an extrovert stuck in an introvert's body. I wanted to be outgoing and friendly because that was my nature, but I was so uncomfortable in my own skin that I wasn't able to portray that. I would sit at home, behind the keys of my computer, pinning all the things from the "health and fitness" side of pinterest, lonely, depressed and so uncomfortable.

Real talk- being overweight is uncomfortable as shit. I don't remember what it feels like to be a normal size (like in the 100's) but the difference between how I feel now and how I felt then is STAGGERING.

I couldn't sit up straight in chairs. I was always leaning back because my stomach was so large it was uncomfortable to sit up. Sitting in chairs in general was uncomfortable! If the chair had arms, I felt like I was squeezing into it, and it hurt. I remember NOT sitting in the outdoor chairs at Chipotle because they caused me physical pain. Even movie theatre seats were a tight fit.

I couldn't cross my arms over my chest. I have pretty short arms as it is, but they wouldn't cross. I would have to rest my hands on my belly.

I didn't have a lap. I am not even exaggerating when I say that my stomach came out so far while sitting down that I had only a few inches of "knee" It was hard to use a laptop in my lap without a lap.

I couldn't cross my legs. Not even ankle to knee. And I have short legs so most of the time they don't touch the ground, and there was nothing I could do but sit there in pain.

I couldn't lay flat on my back without my neck and boobs smothering me. Like I literally couldn't breathe. I have a special pillow (that I still love) that I had to use to sleep so I don't snore/ suffocate myself in my sleep with my body fat.

Ok this post has taken a turn. I am gonna go with it. Things like this are things you don't know unless you experience them yourself. And I will be honest, I am not done yet. I still have 90 lbs to lose. I am sure in another 60 lbs I will be saying "Oh man! 60 lbs ago I couldn't do ___. As I slowly peel the layers of fat off my body, I realize all the wonderful things it is capable of! I can't even imagine the amazing things it can do when I keep getting smaller.

That is why I am working so hard. I want to push myself. Do what I never thought or knew was possible. Its not about vanity, its about strength. I want to be the best me I can. Period.


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11 comments :

  1. I LOVE THIS!!! So raw and inspiring! It is uncomfortable being overweight. Why do we stay so uncomfortable for so long before we finally do something about it! I wish I would have started this journey years ago!!!

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  2. I love this post! And just look at how far you've come!!! You WILL do this. There is not a doubt in my mind!

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  3. LOVE IT! You have come so far. That is just awesome! Seriously, this post just made me happy!

    Whenever I am having a particularly bad body image day, one where I hate my body, I take a moment and list the things my body can do for me. Usually I start with "I carried twins to term without bed rest or any complications" and end with "my legs can run...(fill in whatever mileage I recently ran)".

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  4. Man, I can totally relate to this. I was always re-adjusting my tops so they didn't settle into my rolls when I sat down. I'd always grab a pillow from the couch and hold it over my stomach to hide it. I could never cross my legs either and I didn't realize it was just because of how big my thighs were! Seriously, thanks for sharing something that so many of us can relate to-- your real-ness is something every blogger can learn from and be inspired by!! :)

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  5. This is a great post..and it's wonderful to put things in perspective.

    I have a girlfriend who works hard, it very slim and it now doing personal training. She told that she had a client that made her strap a pillow to her stomach and then do a sit up...just so she could experience the extra challenge it is to do those type of activites when you are larger. I told her the next step is to put on a back pack with a few 10 lb bag of potatoes and see how that feels. But she did say it was very eye opening for her to do that experiement.

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  6. I can relate to sooo much of this! Always adjusting my tops. Always worried about sitting in chairs. I avoided shorts for the longest time.

    You have come so far already!! Love it :)

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  7. In another 60 pounds, you will be doing some absolutely incredible things! I mean, you are training for a half marathon right now... the sky is the limit as to what you can accomplish!

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  8. Wait... did I just write a guest blogger post on your blog? No? LOL... Wow. I SO know, I so do. You just said everything I've bene feeling. My motivation has been missing, but you're helping me get it back slowly. Thank you for your honestly always.

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  9. You have me in tears AT WORK girl!! I see myself and feel/felt so many of these days/feelings. Bless you! Bless you!
    I remember being in the bed and my partner wrapped their arms around me and I felt so disgusted with myself. I didn't even want to be touched anymore. Ugh!! I hate crying!!! LOL! You continue to inspire me!! You are AMAZING! Thank you for putting it all out there and being so real and personable. I needed this.
    adifferentd.blogspot.com

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  10. You're so right! You've come so far and it's amazing to look back and think about everything you can do now. Keep up the fabulous work, girlie.

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