One of my 36 in 365 goals I crossed off on Monday was "Become a Success Story". I had a really hard time crossing that off, not only because I have about 100 lbs left to lose, but because I don't necessarily FEEL successful. Now before you get annoyed, just hear me out.
I have never been "Successful". At anything. Ever.
I am always the girl who quits.
I am always the girl who gets distracted by "Shiny Objects".
I am always the girl who starts something at 150%, and then quits 3 months in.
I am never the girl who is successful.
As you know, I don't have the healthiest relationship with food, being a binge eater. I also didnt always have the healthiest relationship with myself. Part of my self loathing was self sabotaging. Any time I would feel an iota of "success", I would back off. I would shut down. I would binge.
I know it sounds stupid. But it is what I do. I have shared a lot about my past on here, and unfortunately I am not ready to share all the details behind this little mental issue, but just take my word for it, I was never made to feel like I could be successful as a kid.
So in this journey of self love and self acceptance, I have had to overcome this "success" hurdle. It has probably been the hardest one so far.
But I come back to that aha moment I had, looking in the mirror, and I ask myself "WHY can't I be successful?" And all the answers I used to have ("You aren't good enough", "You aren't smart enough", "You don't deserve it") are invalid because I have proven to myself that I AM.
I AM good enough.
I AM smart enough.
I DO deserve it.
I can't really explain why I feel differently now. I think it's because I love myself and I truly believe I can change my life. This entire journey has been hard. It is easy to change your body, but it is hard to change your mind.
So when I crossed off "Become a Success Story" I really felt this come full circle. I FEEL like a success story in your eyes. The fact that all of you believe in me keeps me going. And I believe in all of you.
So if you feel like you aren't good enough or you don't deserve it, know that you are not alone, and that you ARE good enough. It might take some time go get to that point, but you will get there. :D