I rolled into Old Navy wearing my size 20 Old Navy jeans I was so proud to fit into. It had been YEARS since I could actually shop there, especially since they took out the plus size section years ago.
|Size 20 ON Jeans, boots, and my favorite tank and cardi combo.|
It was my day off, hence the comfy casual look. Side note- I have the shortest legs on the planet. Look at those things!
So I grabbed a few size 18's and tried them on. They fit! But they were a little lose. Like they fit enough that I would buy them if I wasn't losing weight, but since I am I dont want to buy anything that will be too big in a few weeks so I wouldnt buy them. They had me thinking tho. I strolled out of the dressing room and grabbed a pair of 16's. I was chuckling to myself on my way back to the dressing room, thinking "this will be fun! I will see how far I am from this size and then peel them back off my fat legs."
I stepped in, pulled up, sucked it in and bam. Buttoned and zipped.
I opened one eye at a time, and looked in the mirror. Holy hell they fit.
|I immediately snapped this pic and posted it on my personal facebook page.|
I couldn't believe it! So I took a selfie from the front.
I wanted to scream.
But I didn't.
I took them off, folded them nicely, kissed them, and gave them to the dressing room attendant.
Then I drove to another store I love, Maurices. Maurices has SUPER cute stuff, and has a HUGE straight size section, and a decent sized plus section. I have been in the plus section since high school. Their straight size jeans go to size 17, so with my new found confidence, I marched in, went to the jean wall, grabbed a 17, went back to the dressing rooms and freaked the fuck out.
|Its weird how my nose looks really big in this picture.... but my thighs look tiny.|
Fact: That sweater is a straight size XL like for normal people!
I stuck around there for a few minutes, and had the sales girl dress me up until I had a small anxiety attack. Being on the other side of the store freaked me out. I am intimidated and I feel like I dont belong. I don't understand why, it's stupid really, but shopping amongst the normal sized people made me feel so out of place. This is stupid, but there is a sense of community in the plus sized section. We are sisters. On the other side I felt like I was in the way, or like they thought I didnt belong. The sales girl (who was a size 2 and probably was paid to say this but whatever) said "you are not a plus size girl. You should be shopping over here." and kept pulling me XLs. And they kept fitting. and I kept freaking out and so I left because I am weird.
BUT my point is that I have worked so hard to get where I am today. But I still feel like that 285 lb version of myself. I still think I look like that. I think that might be the mental block that is holding me back.
Oh yeah! So on Sunday, I wanted to show off my new "fitting into 16's" trick to my husband so we went to Old Navy. I grabbed a pair of 16's, went into the dressing room, slid those bitches right on, buttoned without trouble and strutted out of the room. My husband's jaw hit the floor. He said I looked 20 lbs thinner wearing jeans that actually fit me. So I bought them.