Not that kind lol. I mean do what you want I guess but thats not what I am talking about today.
Self Love. Seems simple right? Its not.
Raise your hand if you have ever looked at yourself and were disappointed with what you saw. Raise your hand if you have ever compared ANY part of you to that of another person. Ok put your hands down, people are staring ;)
Point being, we are all full of self hate. Call it society, call it popular culture, heck blame Britney Spears if you want. But it's not their fault. It's ours.
We are full of self hate. We don't like our body, we don't think we are pretty, we feel like crap for eating something that isn't "Clean, we wish we had Beyonce's ass. Our days are FILLED with self hateful thoughts and it is rotting us inside out.
It creates a downward spiral of shame and sadness and binging isn't productive in any way at all. So I say we change it.
In late October 2012, I had a really bad weekend. I had been doing Weight Watchers for two months and I was losing an average of 1 lb a week. I was pretty disappointed that I wasn't doing better, but I was glad I was still losing. I would read a weight loss blog and find myself jealous of the weight loss of others. I felt like I was never going to succeed and the shame spiral started. I was weighing in on Mondays at noon and HATING it, so I went to a Saturday morning meeting and weighed in. I tried really hard to eat perfectly the week before so I felt like I deserved a good number. I stepped on the scale and the lady said "you lost .4!" I was PISSED! I worked SO HARD and I only lost point freaking four! I shoved my weight tracker in the bag, not even looking at it, and I went on a downward spiral. Right out of the meeting, I grabbed a GIANT bagel, then ate fast food for lunch and we went out to dinner and I stuffed my face until I felt like puking, all the while thinking about how I wasn't good enough and how I would fail so why try. I continued eating horribly all weekend and when I was on the train to work on Monday, I finally pulled out my tracker to look at my weight.
I stared at it for a minute and realized the math was wrong. I really had lost 1.8 lbs, not .4! I was LIVID! I was SO MAD at the lady for screwing up and RUINING my weekend. Then I thought to myself "of course you blame the lady. Why would you take responsibility for your own actions." and I festered on that all day. I went to my noon meeting and told my leader all about it. I didn't want to see the damage, but she encouraged me and so I stepped on. I lost .4 (ironic, right!). I vowed that day to NEVER let that number rule me anymore. I let bad math completely derail me! I went on a hate spiral that nearly broke me.
I decided that day that I was not a number. Any number I see doesn't define me. It has nothing to do with my self worth. It is just a number, just like my height or shoe size, that has nothing to do with me being a good or bad person, worthy of love or happiness. I am not the number on that scale!
Are you with me!? Lets start today. Tell yourself you are beautiful. Look in a mirror and think about how nice you look, how unique you are, how far you have come. Just for this minute, don't think about your love handles or your muffin top or your double chin. It is going to be awkward, which is SAD, but it is. We have no problem thinking about all the things we hate about ourselves, but thinking nice things makes us uncomfortable, but you have to do it. You are awesome! You are BEAUTIFUL! You are UNIQUE and you are MORE than that number on the scale.
Say it out loud!
"I AM MORE THAN THE NUMBER ON THAT SCALE!"
Ok stop yelling, people are starting to stare :P
Do you have daughters? Nieces? Know little girls? TELL THEM NOW! DO NOT let them grow up this way! Tell them they are beautiful EVERY day and let them hear you tell YOURSELF.
Nip this in the bud now. We can NOT let the little girls we love think this way.
So all in all, it's time to stop the self hate, and love yourself. It's that simple. Stop hating yourself and stop punishing yourself. Just stop it ;)
Say it with me! You can do it! Love yourself.